Love and Other Indoor Sports

According to various sources, this is National Masturbation Week, so here are links to two people, um... enjoying themselves.
First up is this guy who apparently can't get men or women to sleep with him but has managed to score with more than 1,000 cars and other vehicles, including the helicopter from Airwolf. I have no idea how exactly this is supposed to work and I'm not spending any more time trying to figure it out.
And then there's this dude, from (where else?) Florida, where authorities have become so accustomed to him frolicing with alligators that they apparently assume all unidentifiable bodies partially consumed by the reptiles are him.