Like Cutting Butter with a Chainsaw

Nilonka: Blog this.
Ill Mo: Now that's someone I can get behind. He's got a goal and he's seeing it through.
Nilonka: THAT is perserverance.
Ill Mo: Damn straight.
Nilonka: He's got an outline, a few note cards, and even cited his damn sources with receipts. He gets an A.
Ill Mo: Said goal could have been accomplished in any number of much less complicated ways but still, he stuck with it.
Nilonka: He did it his way. Fuck guns.
Ill Mo: At some point, I'm sure he said to himself, "Sure, guns, poison, razor blades, pills, carbon monoxide poisoning--these are all relatively simple and painless ways of doing myself in. But there's no poetry in that. No, by God, I'm going out on my own terms, if I have to buy out the local hardware store to do it."
Ill Mo: You've really got to admire the man who's completely given up on life yet manages to turn self-annihilation into a long-term project.
Nilonka: Right. Like a summer project. Some reroof the house, some build a porch. Others construct mass instruments of death and try them out.
Ill Mo: Everyone needs a hobby.
Ill Mo: It's a good thing he built this contraption to do himself in rather than trying to lure his arch-nemesis into such an elaborate death trap, because that never goes well.
Ill Mo: What exactly is the purpose of a "swing arm" on a guillotine, anyway?
Ill Mo: I mean, as I understand it, it's basically a big damn knife on a rope that falls down, right?
Nilonka: Well, I guess the kind that fall straight down wasn't chic enough.
Nilonka: So his knife was on a large arm, like an axe, that swung down and lopped off the offending body part.
Ill Mo: Thus making an already needlessly complicated project even more convoluted...
Nilonka: Right. What would be awesome is if FOREST ANIMALS built it like in Cinderella and killed him.
Ill Mo: The kind of forest animals who visit the hardware store for supplies and then leave the receipts laying around?
Ill Mo: I have to say, if I'm working in a hardware store and a deer walks in looking to buy guillotine-building materials, I'm kicking his ass right out.
Ill Mo: Antlers or no.
Nilonka: Well, first, I'd see him use a hammer with no opposable digits, then I'm shooting his ass.